Over and Under Rated 6 (2009)

OVER-RATED

Pop songs with “Secret Meanings”

Multi-layered metaphors are fairly common in Hip-Hop (think Common’s “I Used To Love H.E.R. or 2Pac’s “Me & My Girlfriend”), however pop stars are now trying to follow the lead of rappers by incorporating double entendres and extended metaphors into singles in an effort to generate buzz and keep people talking...needless to say, these attempts often end with embarrassing results.  The trend was started last winter with Brittany Spear’s ridiculously titled “If U Seek Amy,” which when sung sounds suspiciously like “F.U.C.K. Me.” The song fails because the identity of “Amy” and why people are looking for her is never addressed, the song doesn’t make any sense unless the listener hears “F.U.C.K. Me”  There simply is no double meaning, it is just an obscene song with a poorly spelled titled. “All of the boys and all of the girls want to...If U Seek Amy” 

You sure about that Brit? It’s not 2001 anymore. 

This trend is being continued by Beyonce’s “Ego.” Am I really supposed to believe lyrics like “It’s too big, it’s too wide, it won’t fit” are about anything but a penis? And while Brittany’s infraction is somewhat acceptable because her songs are written and composed by employees of a media conglomerate with a keen eye towards things like “demographic research,” “focus group responses” and “radio playability” with absolute disdain for artistry and expression, Beyonce is married to one of the greatest song writers of all time.  It is hard to believe someone that lives with the man responsible for metaphoric masterpieces like “Rap Game/Crack Game” could release such a clumsily worded single.  

These “hidden messages” cater to the lowest common denominator of society and only generate controversy with teeny-boppers and soccer-moms, but if it gives them something to talk about while driving to a strip mall in a minivan to buy a Big Gulp and some toquitos before American Idol starts, well good for them.

College Graduates Aspiring to be Housewives

There seems to be an ever-increasing segment of college-educated females that long for the stereotypical “Prince Charming/Happily Ever After” life that comes from marrying a rich professional, business man or dude from a family with money.  I am not referring to the typical hood-rat or “video vixen” that tries incessantly to get impregnated by a rapper or athlete because they have no other means to support themselves besides their looks (I have strong feelings about these women too, but that’s for another day), I am referring to girls with degrees and skills that have no desire to accomplish anything but supervising the cleaning lady and watching “The Tyra Banks Show” three times a day.  

I know that working sucks. I know that most jobs are meaningless, unrewarding and in most cases lead to nothing but stress and a diminishing 401K, but if these women never wanted to be a part of the workforce, why did they waste the time, effort and money on a college education? A bachelor’s degree costs minimum $40,000, I don’t care if you went to a technical school with two directions in the name (i.e. North West Kentucky Tech), nobody gets out for less than ten grand a year, after books, meal plans, parking tickets and a D.U.I. lawyer are added up.  Conversely, about $10,000 (about a quarter of the cost of college) in plastic surgery, beauty treatments and clothes can turn the worst skank in the world into somebody on Maxim’s “Hot 100”, or at least the hottest chick in the bar on a Wednesday.  And to keep it 100% real, a female with fake boobs, expertly styled hair and Jimmy Choo’s has a much better chance at landing a rich husband than some normal looking chick with degree in Criminal Justice.  

Chain Emails

They are never funny and tragedy does not ensue if you don’t forward them!  The internet has been a big part of American society for over a decade and people have not figured out how to not be buffoonish with the technology.  Further, I am Italian and from New Jersey and I am sent emails on a weekly basis mocking those two facts (i.e. “10,000 ways you know you are from New Jersey” or “Ginny’s at the Beach!”), I am not easily offended but I find it hard to believe other groups receive these emails with the disturbing frequency that I do.  If I was overweight I am willing to bet nobody would send me an email titled “You Know You’re a Fat Ass If...” I know I’m Italian and I know I’m from Jersey, I don’t need to take a quiz or read and asinine list to confirm it.  

UNDER-RATED

The Stupidity of Mariah Carey

The most successful artist of the ’90’s fell off after “Glitter” and made one of the biggest comebacks in history with 2005’s “The Emancipation of Mimi.”  Then in 2008 she flopped with the underwhelming “E=MC2.” She is now attempting her second comeback of the decade by dissing Eminem on the autotune-heavy “Obsessed” written by The Dream.  First, the song is not that bad and has probably already sold thousands of ringtones since it was “leaked” on Tuesday. And the song does have some redeeming qualities: it was written by The Dream and it is a diss record (two things I really like), however it also uses auto-tune and disses Eminem (two things I hate).

There are so many reasons why this 40 year old pop star should not have responded to Slim Shady’s “Bagpipes From Bagdad” that they are hard to count (she is not a rapper, her fans don’t care about Eminem, she could sell millions of records without ever addressing this, “Bagpipes From Bagdad” is not even a single, if she released a big powerful ballad like “We Belong Together” the general public wold forget about this whole thing).  But the biggest single reason she should not have responded to Em’s taunts are his track record.  Marshall Mathers ends careers...period.  The only way to withstand the sh*t storm that ensues when he mentions your name is to sit down, shut up, keep your eyes on the floor and hope it passes like a bad thunderstorm.  It is kind of odd that Brittany Spears is one of the few celebrities to have figured this out and she is still selling out arenas and having massive hits (regardless of how stupid the lyrics) because of it.  Unless Mariah Carey wants to be in the “Where Are They Now” category with Limp Bizkit, Moby, Canibus and Benzino she should retract the song, put out a disposable, overly-produced, 80’s-sampled dance record and keep it moving. 

NOTE: There is also a remix of “Obsessed” featuring OJ The Juice Man.  The idea of Shady attacking him and other non-lyrical southern goons is infinitely more exciting than another song about his affair with Mariah. Further, the use of auto-tune could be viewed as a swipe at Jay-Z (see “D.O.A. Death of Autotune”). If there is one person that can get in the ring with the two best rappers alive, it’s obviously Mariah Carey.    

The Stupidity of the Current Class of New Rappers

Every few years a “New Class” (shout out to “Saved By The Bell”) of MC’s emerges to take the crown from the previous generation.  Every class has winners (the class of '98 had DMX, Pun, Cam) and every class has losers (the class of 98 also had Canibus and Silkk the Shocker), but the current group of emerging artists engages in behavior that is so stupid and so at odds with becoming major players in the industry it is hard to believe they even want to “get on.”  This behavior is even less acceptable because these guys are all in their early 20’s, so they grew up with Hip-Hop as a multi-billion dollar, international industry, are fully aware of the power of technology & new media outlets and in some cases they are being mentored by some of the best in the game.  Despite all of these resources the following has already happened in 2009:

Asher Roth: Refers to his female fans at Rutgers University as “Nappy Headed H*s” on his twitter page.  Clearly the way for a white rapper that many think is a novelty act to sustain a career in Hip-Hop is to insult fans and identify with one of the most reviled men in the African-American community. 

Kid Cudi: “Day N Night” had people losing their minds last winter and was the unofficial theme song of the NBA’s All-Star Weekend.  After being invited to perform at a party sponsored by Reebok as his introduction to the national spotlight (even though the song was bubbling for a few months, most people didn’t even know what he looked like), this guy behaves in a manner so imbecilic that Reebok employees have to taser him before he performs and the show is cancelled. 

Slaughterhouse: These guys get the internet going nuts at the idea of 4 sick MC’s in one group (and the videos of Joey Jumpoff’s girlfriend) and then start an asinine beef with legends before the album comes out.  I understand that all publicity is good publicity, but I am confused as to how dissing Method Man, Redman and Busta Rhymes is good for Slaughterhouse, their upcoming album or Hip-Hop in general. 

OJ The Juice Man: Make’s his first potential crossover appearance on a song dissing Eminem...brilliant.

Charles Hamilton: Here is the abbreviated list-makes a song about “Brooklyn Girls” even though he is from Harlem, releases numerous viral videos espousing a bizarre affection for Sonic The Hedgehog, gets publicly humiliated in battles by legends (Rhymefest) and newcomers (Serius Jones) alike, got knocked out by a girl on camera and started a baffling beef with the entire city of Detroit about his relationship with the deceased J-Dilla that resulted in a tongue lashing from Dilla’s mother and a complete ban from the entire Mid-Western region of the United States. 

With this being the new crop of MC’s to carry the torch for Hip-Hop, I am forced to quote Jay-Z’s “Thirty Something”....”I’m afraid of the future.” 

2 More Things Reviewed

The following were left off my previous post because apparently "Cut & Paste" is harder to master for me than most people. See below for scoring system.

Joel Ortiz Covers The Classics (mixtape)

4

This mixtape compiles 33 Joel Ortiz freestyles over classic (mostly late 80's and early 90's) beats that were recorded over the last two or three years. Joel murders these tracks with one blistering verse each and every "song" stops short to segue way into the next, making each song short, with an abrupt ending...much like life.

Joel Ortiz is the best unsigned rapper in 2009 and Aftermath made a bigger mistake by dropping him than they did with Joe Beast. Look out for Slaughterhouse! (note: the SH album has been pushed back to 8/11...the summer just cooled off).

The Hangover

5+

This movie is the most fun you can have in a theatre without Alanis Morissette. I laughed out loud the whole time and broke into tears on three separate occasions. Every scene is funny, every joke works and "Andy Bernard," "That funny looking comedian" and "The hot one (No homo)" should all be huge stars by the end of summer. If you do not see this movie in the theatre and buy it on Blu Ray the day it comes out you are not smart...period.

Reviews June 2009

I realize I’ve been gone for a minute but now I’m back and ready to GO HARD with the Fifthround Movement! (I wanted to start off by sounding both cool and tough...mission accomplished)  In the last few weeks I have experienced several CD’s and Movies that I feel the need to write about, and because of the sheer number of releases that will be discussed I am going to assign a rating system to everything in this posting so readers have some frame of reference.  

Examples of each possible score are as follows: 

5: The Marshall Mather’s LP, Grape Jordan 5’s, Season 2 of The Office, The Dark Knight...aka undisputed classics

4: Wu-Tang Forever, Air Max 97’s, Season 4 of The Office, the first Spiderman movie...almost classic, just falls a little short.  

3: Most Mixtapes, Air Stab’s, Desperate Housewives, X3: The Last Stand...not terrible, but definitely an acquired taste.

2: Eminem’s “Encore,” Jordan + AF1 Hybrids, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Ghost Rider...barely tolerable for most, but cool for devoted fans.

1: Anything by the Black Eyed Peas, Sketchers, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Straight to DVD movies...just effin horrible.  

Eminem: “Relapse”

4

Devoted fans like myself have been waiting for almost five years for the official return of Slim Shady (“The Re-Up” and that half-assed verse about the Pussy Cat Dolls on the Akon song don’t count) and while “Relapse” is a bit of a mixed bag, Eminem largely delivers.  

The theme of the album is made abundantly clear before you even press “play” due to the title and artwork depicting Shady’s face made of various pills and a “prescription” from Dr. Dre on the cover.  While this level of commitment to the concept of “Relapse” is a little heavy handed, both Em and Dre should be applauded for creating a concept album with cohesive ideas and themes instead of the obligatory collection of random singles most artists present as albums.  And While not everything works (the drug references get exhausting, the party records/singles seem forced) there are moments of unadulterated brilliance (“My Mom,” “Deja Vu” and “Underground” come to mind immediately).  This is technically the best album of 2009, the beats (all provided by Dr. Dre, except the self-produced “Beautiful”) are so rich, multi-layered and fit so perfectly with the subject matter that they leave nothing to be desired and as an MC this might be Eminem at his best, while he doesn’t have as much to say as he did earlier in his career he has absolutely found better ways of saying it.  He uses more experimental cadences, flows, and rhyme patterns than any other rapper and goes as far as changing his voice on several songs.  While this “rapping in voices” schtick angers some fans, it is hard to imagine another rapper being able to pull it off with any degree of success and the fact that Shady can rap circles around your favorite rapper in an annoying voice with questionable subject matter and you still have to listen is a true testament to his talents. 

The one fact that should not be overlooked when listening to “Relapse” is that the man that started his debut album off with a sarcastic “don’t do drugs” has succeeded where 20 years of the “Just Say No” program and America’s “War on Drugs” has failed...he makes drug addiction actually sound scary.  The Eminem that has almost overdosed, been hospitalized multiple times and had to halt one of the biggest careers in Hip-Hop history due to prescription pill addiction is a far cry from the cocky young man that “OD’d on rush, mushrooms and dust / then got rushed to the hospital to get my system flushed.”    While it remains to be seen whether this album actually deters people from abusing narcotics, it does paint a chilling picture of the toll pharmaceuticals take on one’s personal, professional and family lives.  

Finally, assigning a number rating to an Eminem album is nearly impossible because of the uniqueness of what he does.  When grading most albums they are inevitably compared to similar works (Example: this spring albums by Jadakiss, Cam’Ron, Rick Ross and Jim Jones will all be given reviews based on how they compare to each other because the material is similar enough that comparison is possible...this happens whether reviewers and fans do it consciously or not). Eminem’s albums almost exist in a vacuum in the sense that artists that rap like him with regard to experimental flows, outlandish subject matter and a warped sense of humor are usually underground artists with a fraction of the budget and sales expectations of an Eminem-caliber artist.  Similarly, rappers that sell even close to “Marshall Mathers Numbers” (Diddy, Nelly, Black Eyed Peas) make formulaic Hip-Pop with it’s creativity hamstrung by major label politics.  That being said...I give it a 4. 

Company Flow: “Funcrusher Plus”

5

Underground Hip-Hop heads can finally stop digging through “Bargain Basement” racks and scouring Amazon.com for used copies of this hard-to-find classic as it was re-issued on El-P’s Def Jux label in May (he bought the rights from the now defunct Rawkus and released it in stores and defjux.com).  Originally released in 1997, in the midst of shiny suits, corny samples and the  “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” era “Funcrusher Plus” established itself as the blueprint for the emerging “Underground” or “Independent” scene.  Along with Kool Keith’s “Dr. Octagon” (1996), this album proved that this new breed of MC could put together full albums and not just “white label” 12-in singles and had appeal beyond college radio (shout out to NYU’s WKCR) and lead to the rise of Rawkus records and the eventual development of El-P’s Definitive Jux as one of the most successful independent labels regardless of genre.  

The best adjective to describe “Funcrusher Plus” is DENSE.  The beats are multi-layered and utilize more samples, sound effects and voice snippets per song than any group since Public Enemy, clearly foreshadowing the “buzz saw being cut by a laser beam” sound that El-P would perfect in the early 2000’s and later refine to produce the classic “I’ll Sleep When Your Dead” (2007) and the lyrics are so packed with metaphors and double entendres that long time fans are still figuring them out a dozen years after it’s original release.

While the re-issue of this classic is light on the extra’s usually accompanying similar releases (no expanded liner notes, no remixes, no non-album tracks like “End to End Burners” or “Patriotism”) the album is presented exactly as it was in ’97 (with some subtle re-mastering) and is an absolute “Must Listen” for any fan of underground Hip-Hop...respect the architects.  

Cage; “I Never Knew You (INKY)” EP 

4

Released as a free, download only, warm-up to for his upcoming “Depart From Me” (July 7th, Def Jux), INKY is 5 songs of the “new” Cage.  While older fans might be disappointed because the new material sounds nothing like “Agent Orange” or “Suicidal Failure” it definitely builds upon the direction he seemed to be taking with 2005’s “Hell’s Winter” and indicates that “DFM” will continue to defy easy categorization.  

All 5 tracks have sonic backdrops that are rock-oriented and lyrics bordering on impressionist poetry, rather than hitting the listener over the head with explicit detail.  This may indicate that “DFM” is going to be an even bigger departure from traditional Hip-Hop than “Hell’s Winter,” but does not mean Cage fell off, but rather has grown as an artist in ways most major label rappers are never allowed.  INKY is a solid appetizer, look for a full review of the entrée in early July.  

Busta Rhymes: “Back On My Bullsh*t (B.O.M.B.)

3

I’m not sure exactly when Busta got off his bullsh*t because I thought 2006’s “The Big Bang” was fire, but apparently his label/fans/himself thought it was time to get back on his bullshi*t.  While I have read many negative reviews claiming he is still, in fact, off of his bullshi*t, I have to disagree and firmly state that he is 100%, unequivocally, on his bullsh*t.  

All kidding aside, this is a typical Busta album.  They highs are pretty damn high (“Respect My Conglomerate,” “Hustler’s Anthem ’09” and “Kill Dem”) and the lows are pretty low (“Arab Money” and the 7 or 8 filler tracks usually included in all his releases).  The album itself is not bad and can be played beginning to end on a road trip or during a workout without anything truly awful coming on, but the marketing leaves nothing but questions: why did 2008’s heat rock “Throw The Water On ‘Em” not make the final cut and how did and album containing the smash “Arab Money” (my personal feelings aside, this song was a problem a few months ago), get released to such little fanfare and promotion?  If B.O.M.B. sells poorly it might be time for Bussa Bus to find another label to get the sales/notoriety  he deserves.  

Method Man & Redman: “Blackout” Commemorative Package

“Blackout”: 4

“Blackout 2”: 3

“Packaging”: 3.5

What’s better than listening to two 40 year old guys talk about smoking weed for $9.95? How about listening to the same two guys when they were 30 talk about smoking weed for only $4 more!

At $13.95, this Best Buy exclusive is a bargain.  It contains the original “Blackout” album (1999) a cool box, a small poster and the new “Blackout 2.” There is not much left to be said about “Blackout” ten years after it’s release.  Two talented MC’s got together and released a full length collaborative album (this kind of thing is constantly announced on radio and websites, but rarely comes to fruition) that is solid from beginning to end and ranks up there with the best solo work either legendary MC has done.  

“Blackout 2” is a solid, if unspectacular follow-up. There are a few bangers (“A-Yo,” “City Lights” and “Never Heard Dis B4”), some filler and guest appearances that range from awesome (Rae and Ghost on “Lockdown”) to boring (Ready Roc and some other dude).   Overall, it’s not bad and fans of Johnny Blaze and Funk Doc should check it out to see how the two legends have remained relevant over 15 years since they both hit the scene.  

Slumdog Millionaire

3.5

I was interested in this movie because of all the accolades it received on the awards show circuit.  After finally seeing it, I can say it was alright, not great.  It was pretty entertaining but in no effin way better than “The Dark Knight” or “The Wrestler.” If you like watching people struggle (I do) and have an uplifting outcome (I don’t), you need to check out this Oscar winner.

Album Review: Cam'ron "Crime Pays"

Cam’ron emerges from a three-year hiatus with a quality album that seems custom-made for the current economic times. Clocking in at way over an hour and 23 tracks, including a few that have been leaked, “Crime Pays” is a bargain for consumers, and with no famous guest MC’s, no big-name producers, minimal marketing and promotion and being released on the independent Asylum Records, if this album sells, Killa Cam may have found the new blueprint for success in the record business. While it remains to be seen whether or not he’s cracked the code of the “New” music industry, what is clear is that Cam can still create original material that will engage listeners.

After one listen to “Crime Pays” it is clear that not much has changed for Cam’ron since 2006’s “Killa Season,” he’s still connected to the drug game (“Cookin Up” and “Homicide”), he’s still incredibly vulgar when dealing with females (“You Know What’s Up” and “Spend The Night”) and he’s still capable of making fun party songs that will resonate with everyone from thugs to hipsters (“Silky (No Homo)” and “Cookies-N-Apple Juice”). The one major change in Cam’s life, his estrangement from his Dipset crew, is evident by the lack of Dipset guest appearances, but disappointingly never addressed. And while most of the material that falls into the “Same Old Cam” category is solid, it is when he branches out to tackle new subject matter like the plight of the working class (“My Job”), his efforts to expand his empire beyond Harlem (“Get It In Ohio”) and motivating his fans to achieve success (“Get It Get It”) that the album really shines and distances itself from the rest of Cam’s formidable catalog.

“Crime Pays” is probably not the album to “bring New York back,” but it is a solid effort from one of the most unique MC’s in the game and should hold fans over until Dipset either reunites or starts the typical war of words that ensues when a crews break up.

Your "Top 5" Sucks!...and so does mine

It has become popular for websites, magazines and music television shows to ask artists to list their “Top 5, Dead or Alive” MC’s.  When this trend started it seemed like an interesting concept: fans get to hear what 5 rappers most influenced their favorite entertainers, however, like most things in the corporate controlled world of major label Hip-Hop this exercise quickly degenerated into everybody listing the same five rappers out of fear of being branded too eccentric to appeal to the masses.  This is the same kind of groupthink that makes all rappers dress alike regardless of how ridiculous the fashion statement (tight jeans and wallet chains, really?), view drug dealing as an acceptable career option and release formulaic albums that are completely devoid of creativity or artistic vision. 

It is also abundantly clear that most rappers have a memorized response (that was possibly written by a publicist or manager) to this question that they simply regurgitate to the interviewer whether it be Rocsi on “106 & Park” or Grouchy Greg from allhiphop.com.  I am reasonably sure of this because my personal “Top 5” changes constantly based on my mood, what I’m listening to and my surroundings.  If you ask me to list my “Top 5” when I’m working out or all fired up about something I will probably respond: DMX, Wu-Tang, MOP, 2Pac and Redman.  If you ask me when I’m in the library or deep in thought I might say: KRS-ONE, Chuck D, Ice Cube, De La Soul and A Tribe Called Quest.  If you ask me in a club after a few cocktails I might answer: Nelly, Ludacris, Fabolous, 50 Cent and Juvenile (yeah, I occasionally get that drunk). Also, if I’m on the L Train from Penn Station to Yankee Stadium, my list absolutely includes Big Pun and Rakim and if I’m hanging out down south my list probably includes Outkast and Scarface.  If you ask me during Hot 97’s “Old School At Noon” I’m probably going to say: Big Daddy Kane, Kool G Rap, Run-DMC, LL and the Beastie Boys, but ask me a few hours later and I might say: Jay-Z, Nas, Eminem, Biggie and Lil’ Wayne and if you catch me with a hoodie and backpack my answer will probably be: Aesop Rock, Cage, Murs, MF Doom and Kool Keith.  And the funny thing is, when I say any of those responses I wholeheartedly believe in my list and can make an articulate and convincing argument as to why my “Top 5” are/were so great.  

Hip-Hop is much too big of a movement with way too many sub-genres to lump it all into one category (a la iTunes’ “Hip-Hop/Rap”) and make any kind of comparisons between artists as different as Talib Kweli and Young Jeezy or DJ Quick and Immortal Technique.    It is precisely this kind of differentiation that has made the genre the most important and consistently relevant youth movement of the last thirty years. Asking an artist or fan to list their “Top 5” is in stark contrast to this concept and completely overlooks the very thing that makes Hip-Hop relevant three decades after the Sugar Hill Gang committed “Rapper’s Delight” to wax.  It is like asking someone to to list their “Top 5 Modes of Transportation” and expecting them to compare a Bentley GT, the Concord, a yacht, Reebok Pumps and a Vision Phsycostick skateboard, they are all great, and there is some common thread between them, but are they alike enough that you can really say one is definitively better than the other?

Further, the homogenous “Top 5” list that populates most media outlets is so derivative and unoriginal that it should contain three sixteen bar verses, a chorus sung by a hot R&B chick, contain verses about money, drug sales and strippers and have an accompanying video with expensive cars, champagne, hot tubs and models from King Magazine. 

TYPICAL TOP 5 LIST

#1 Biggie or 2Pac

Both of these artists were immensely talented, contributed as much to Hip-Hop as anyone before or since and had lives and careers cut tragically short by senseless violence.  However, neither of these guys is beyond reproach and I find it hard to believe that every single man, woman or child to ever make a “Top 5” list thinks they are the top two rappers ever.  

To claim B.I.G. was the greatest rapper of all time you have to ignore the fact that he ushered in the era of “anything for money” commercialism that currently dominates the culture.  Puffy gets blamed for the obvious samples, shiny suits and club-ready tracks that most purists hate, but aren’t “Juicy,” “Hypnotize,” “One More Chance” and “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” exactly that kind of “Pop Rap”?  It is easy to blame Puffy for where Hip-Hop has gone, but to say Biggie did not play a major role in the culture moving in this direction is patently false.  Further, he championed the “Money, Hoes and Clothes” mentality that has hamstrung commercial Hip-Hop since the mid-90’s and displayed open disdain for education, physical fitness and women. 

However, Biggie at his best (“Unbelievable,” “Suicidal Thoughts,” “Kick In The Door”) was inarguably one of the best to ever do it.  “Ready to Die” and “Life After Death” are easily two of the best records ever made. I just find it hard to believe that every single person with a pulse feels this way.

#2 2Pac or Biggie

To list 2Pac as the greatest of all time you have to overlook about half of his recorded material, because of his insane work ethic and desire to express himself on a wide variety of topics he recorded more sub-par songs/verses than almost any other rapper in history. Also, while is best work is intensely emotional, his rhymes are simple by today’s standards and did not really stand out when he was alive (keeping it 100% real, Ice Cube, Kurupt, Redman, Nas and just about everybody in Wu-Tang rapped circles around him), he was unfocused as a lyricist and often contradicted himself (sometimes on the same song), had difficulty picking hot beats and writing choruses that resonated with fans and his movies, with the exception of “Juice,” were fair at best.  

With that being said I also understand that Pac was bigger than his music.  He was the quintessential “One Man Movement.” He related to legions of fans in ways most artists can only dream about and even though the beats were average, the rhymes were basic and the hooks/choruses were non-existent the majority of his catalog is bigger than the sum of it’s parts.  While this kind of amalgamation is fairly popular in rock music (The Grateful Dead, Nirvana, The Beastie Boys), 2pac is probably the only rapper to successfully pull this off.  And while he may be the most influential rapper of all time, with the majority of today’s stars focusing more on “Feeling” and “Swagger” than lyricism, it is also worth noting that the pre-Death Row period of 2Pac’s career was marked by intense political/social commentary and while today’s MC’s openly embrace “Thug Life” very few of them are trying to record the next “Brenda’s Got a Baby” or “Trapped.”  

#3 Jay-Z

This pick is pretty solid.  Jay-Z has recorded two or three times the amount of classic material than any other artist, his lyrics range from cleverly humorous to outright genius, his beat selection is impeccable, his song writing ability is unmatched and if only the “bad” Jay-Z albums existed (“In My Lifetime Vol. 1,” “The Blueprint 2” and “Kingdom Come”) he might still belong in the top 20 of all time.  However, there has got to be somebody that doesn’t like his work besides Cam, Jim Jones and Peedi Crack.

#4 The most well known rapper from your town/region

I don’t care if you grew up in The Bay, sold tapes out of your trunk and have been getting “Hyphy” for the last 10 years, you don’t believe E-40 is better than Rakim.  You just don’t!  To borrow a line from Slick Rick “Stop Lyin’!” 

I understand the need to rep your hood, but this has degenerated into outright buffoonery.  On a personal level, I grew up in New Jersey, currently spend a significant amount of time in Newark (Brick City!), can recite “Time 4 Sum Akshun” right now without music backing me up and have about the exact same sense of humor as Redman, but I’m not about to put him in my “Top 5,” there’s just too many other MC’s that deserve to be on the list. In my opinion, Reggie Noble belongs in the conversation but to put him in the same category as LL, Run-DMC or Jay-Z  is like arguing the Nets are as good as the Lakers simply because I’m a fan.  

*Note: The only other option here is to list the rapper that put you on.  When an established artist puts a young cat under their wing and provides guidance/financial backing the young cat is clearly indebted to his/her “Big Brother,” but I don’t believe that anybody on Loon’s independent label or in Young Berg’s crew really believes they are in the “Top 5” or even the “Top 500.”

#5 Lil’ Wayne

 It is currently popular to say the “unpopular” thing and openly acknowledge the greatness of the MC purists love to hate.  Wayne is talented and charismatic, his creative output between 2005 and 2008 was as productive as any stretch by any rapper in history, “Tha Carter III” is a certified classic, his odd persona and rock star antics have made him an icon outside of Hip-Hop,  he is the walking embodiment of the narcism and “pleasure now” typical of his generation and he is the first  artist to truly understand and profit from the new music industry (while record labels were commissioning focus groups and funding studies of how to profit in the digital age Wayne was recording countless mixtapes and guest appearances and becoming a mega-star).  

While Lil’ Wayne has dominated the last few years and is arguably the face of Hip-Hop for the late-00’s, it remains to be seen whether his material will retain it’s relevance in years to come, and only time will tell if “A Milli” will still rock crowds in 2025.  Also, his work his incredibly inconsistent with lyrics ranging from awe-inspiring (“Gossip”) to sounding like a rambling drug addict drooling on the mic (“I Feel Like Dying”) and while he remains one of the only exciting artists on commercial radio it is not certain how long this creative hot-streak will last and if he will eventually establish himself as a viable artist with long-term longevity (Jay-Z) or a footnote in the history of Hip-Hop that had a nice three year run and then faded from the scene (DMX).  

RAPPERS THAT SHOULD BE ON YOUR LIST

While EVERYBODY lists those “Top 5,” I find it hard to believe that NOBODY thinks the following deserve consideration:

LL Cool J, KRS-ONE, Rakim, Big Daddy Kane, Ice Cube, Scarface, Ice-T, Snoop Dogg, Nas (occasionally will be listed instead of Jay-Z if the person making the list has a personal beef with Jay), Big Pun (only listed if the person is hispanic), Big L, Slick Rick or Kool G Rap. Also, individual members of the following groups are also inexplicably ignored: Run-DMC, Beastie Boys, EPMD, Wu-Tang Clan, Outkast, Public Enemy or UGK.  

Movie Review: "Obsessed"

“Obsessed” starring Beyonce, Ali Larter and Idris Elba sets out to be the most suspenseful and sexy thriller of our time, unfortunately it’s mostly silly.  While the movie is entertaining (I did not fall asleep in the theatre, a rarity for movies not containing costumed vigilantes or Seth Rogan), it is not the defining thriller of the 2000’s.  

The movie has a few major shortcomings which can be summarized as follows:

1. There is absolutely no background on Ali Larter’s character and no explanation as to why she is so “obsessed” with the dude from “The Wire.” At one point she overdoses on pills and they mention a sister in San Francisco, except for this passing reference to a family member there is no motivation established or explanation as to why she is nuttier than a Chinese chicken salad.

2. Beyonce plays a former administrative assistant that is now a stay-at-home mother and finishing a degree in stereotypical “Happy Homemaker” fashion.  About 3/4 of the way through the movie this completely changes and she starts threatening to kick some a** like Jean Claude Van Dam in “Bloodsport”.  It is truly a remarkable transformation, she goes from June Cleaver to Foxxy Brown (the Pam Grier character from the 70’s, not the rapper) in the span of one phone call.  

3. “Obsessed” climaxes with an unbelievably drawn out fight scene in which Larter (in nothing but Elba’s T-Shirt and panties) and Beyonce (fully clothed, complete with boots made for stomping a hole in somebody’s a**) proceed to beat the living sh*t out of each other for an unbelievable amount of time.  It is the kind of scene where you just know there was a board meeting and some dude was like “let’s make the hottest fight scene ever, so 13 year-olds pleasure themselves to this for years to come, the DVD/Blu Ray residuals will be huge!”  Not only does this scene add nothing to the movie, it is incredibly silly and actually caused some viewers to laugh out loud in the theatre.  This scene is unintentionally funnier than anything in “Austin Powers in Gold Member.”  

4. The previously mentioned fight scene involves Beyonce beating up Ali Larter in just about every room in a three story mansion, dragging her down multiple flights of steps and eventually pushing her through the attic floor and somehow she accomplishes all of this without losing her vest!  I have extensive experience wearing vests (North Face, Tuxedo, the kind that tie in the back, etc.) and limited experience with fighting (have seen many, participated in very few since puberty) and I am willing to say it’s impossible to deliver that kind of a** whooping and not have your vest fall off or at least get rumpled. I realize enjoying most movies requires a suspension of disbelief, but there are limits.  

With all of that being said, “Obsessed” is not terrible.  It is an entertaining warm-up for the summer blockbusters that will be even sillier but we will all rush to see.  

Album Review: Asleep In The Bread Aisle

If you have ever been at a bar or party and a bunch of preppy white guys started free-styling (this has become exponentially more prevalent after the widespread popularity of “8 Mile”) and wondered what would happen the next morning if one of these shaggy haired, Wedding-Crasher-Look-A-Likes woke up, shook off the hangover and tried to get a record deal, you now have an answer: Asher Roth.  

Much like another white MC (no, not that one), Roth has had the “Internet Going Nuts” for the last 12 months.  His DJ Drama/Don Cannon Mixtape “The Greenhouse Effect” garnered instant respect and credibility, his collaborations with young mc’s like Charles Hamilton, legends like Slick Rick and street cats like Beanie Sigel quickly separated him from the typical youtube sensations, his appearance (more J. Crew than Juice Crew) made him something of a curiosity in these fashion/swagger conscious times, his Rick Flair reference filled freestyle over Jay-Z’s “Roc Boys” immediately put fans on notice that he was not a gimmick and his resemblance to Eminem (both physical and vocal) have made him a topic of discussion on as many message boards as Rick Ross’ past, Joe Budden’s girlfriend and Cam’ron sightings.  

Asher Roth is the first of the current crop of new artists (Charles Hamilton, Kid Cudi, Drake, Nipsey Hustle, Corey Gunz, etc.) to produce a full-length major label release and while the album does not dazzle from start to finish, it is solid enough to calm older heads down about where the game is going.  At only 10 tracks the album is short, but this self-editing actually enhances the project because there is very little filler and most of the songs actually present coherent concepts as opposed to they typical “Let’s get a hot producer and rap about being in a club” songs that are common on most LP’s.  The lead single (and arguably strongest cut) “I Love College” is a pretty good example of everything on “Asleep In The Bread Aisle”: Asher raps straightforward but clever lyrics about partying, girls and drinking over rock-inspired beats while fully accepting his class clown status. In the age of MC’s incessantly discussing drug sales, $500,000 cars and strippers this type of happy-go-lucky soundtrack for the suburbs is a welcome distraction from the typical commercial urban radio playlist, but the fact that college has become such a homogenized experience that just about anybody that has ever visited a college campus can relate to every line of this song is somewhat lamentable.

Musically the album draws heavily on Roth’s  suburban roots and samples bands like Weezer (“I Love College”) to produce a stoner/rocker vibe on most of the tracks.  The majority of the beats are provided by newcomer Oren Yoel, who should see his stock in the industry rise dramatically after this album.  The beats are accessible enough to entice non-Hip-Hop heads to listen and garner play on Top 40 radio, but have enough Boom Bap to keep them out of the genre limbo of artists like Beck or The Bloodhound.  

Lyrically, Asher Roth holds his own, but does not have the same “rewind factor” of early Eminem.  While the comparisons to Marshall Mathers are somewhat warranted (race, voice, flow, inflections), the subject matter on “Asleep In The Bread Aisle” (college, smoking pot, forgetting your iPod, world poverty and  the importance of a father figure) in some ways establish Roth as the Anti-Slim Shady.  Put simply, Asher Roth is the rich white kid with friends, nice clothes and the keys to his parent’s car that Eminem railed against on his early work.  However, the fact that Eminem’s influence extended beyond trailer parks and grimy open mics to upper class suburbs and college campuses is a testament to the incredible impact he had on the entire generation of kids that grew up on Slim Shady.  

Also, while older rap fans may bristle at an affluent white dude rapping it should be acknowledged that Asher Roth is completely representative of the current Hip-Hop demographic.  In the 80’s and 90’s Hip-Hop was a predominantly Black cultural movement that was only accepted by groups on the fringes of White America.  Accordingly, the White artists that gained notoriety during this period where representative of these fringe movements: skateboarders/punk rockers (The Beastie Boys),  rabble rousing hooligans (House of Pain), intellectuals interested in new and emerging cultures (3rd Bass) and angry, latch-key kids that had more in common with rappers than any other kind of entertainer (Eminem).  In 2009, the “typical” consumer of Hip-Hop music has never been “on the block,” does not buy $5 mixtapes, but downloads them on computers worth thousands of dollars, drinks 40’s as a joke and thinks nothing of dancing to current hits by Rick Ross or Flo Rida at fraternity parties.  Hip Hop music (and the bastardized version of the culture presented by most media outlets and record labels) has become so pervasive that most people under 25 see no difference between Kanye West and Miley Cyrus-they are both cool artists that make fun party songs for your iPod. While it is hard to pinpoint exactly when in the early 2000’s this demographic change happened (Eminem? Jay-Z? Nelly? Puffy? Who really knows?) it is clear that by 2003 the overwhelming majority of the ten million people that bought 50 Cent’s “Get Rich Or Die Tryin’” bought them in suburban shopping malls and not corner bodegas.  Asher Roth represents this new breed of Hip-Hop fan more so than any other rapper.  On the album closer “Fallin’” he tells the story of his earliest Hip-Hop memories and they include buying Jay-Z’s “Hark Knock Life Vol. 2” (1998), by this point Hip-Hop was already the biggest selling music on the Billboard charts, rappers where winning Grammy’s and driving Bentley’s and artists like Puffy, Missy Elliot, Busta Rhymes and Lil’ Kim where A-List celebrities. Asher Roth (and everybody his age) is completely unaware of the outsider status of the music and culture simply because they came of age in an era where Hip-Hop was widely accepted as part of mainstream youth culture.  To younger Hip-Hop heads a white college kid rapping is as natural as changing their status on Facebook, texting their friends and twittering about “My Super Sweet 16.” 

While the comparisons to Eminem are inevitable (and addressed quite nicely in “As I ‘Em”) the current MC that Roth most resembles is Travis Mc Coy from Gym Class Heroes.  Musically the album is a mash-up of several genres and made for today’s generation of listeners raised on the iPod shuffle, much like GCH, but Asher’s lyrics are also similar to the band’s frontman in the way that he starts verses with sick ideas and great flows, but often fails to deliver on the promise shown when he starts spitting, in this respect they are both somewhat like sprinters that come out of the blocks strong but pull up before reaching the finish line.  Hopefully, Roth can address this on future releases and put the “nail in the coffin” to truly deserve comparisons to Marshall Mathers.  

While “Asleep In The Break Aisle” may fail to be the cultural phenomenon of other debut albums by great white hypes like “License To Ill” or “The Slim Shady LP” it is a solid disk of party tracks (“I Love College,” “Be By Myself” and “She Don’t Want a Man”), humorous stories (“Blunt cruisin’” and “Bad Day”) and serious subject matter (“Sour Patch Kids,” “His Dream” and “Fallin’”) to warrant at least a listen from real Hip-Hop fans and while the ultimate impact this album will have on the genre remains to be seen, it definitely provides a welcome respite from the version of Hip-Hop constantly presented by radio and video outlets.