Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Under and Over Rated 3

Under Rated

Alternative Neck Wear: When choosing neck wear men should have more choices than: Windsor or Half Windsor. We have been brainwashed by fashion magazines and other forms of media that the only appropriate neck wear is the traditional tie. This narrow-minded approach to formal wear leaves out such viable options as the Neckerchief, Bolo, Cravat and my personal favorite, the regal and refined ascot. There are people that ascribe to the mantra “Alternative Neckwear = Alternative Lifestyle.” This statement is unequivocally untrue. I am 100% heterosexual and 100% interested in wearing ascots and neckerchiefs, in fact I believe most women find a man wearing a button down shirt with any type of scarf absolutely irresistible.

The “Second Team” in Various Cities: Everybody knows New York is a Yankee’s Town and the Lakers dominate LA’s fan base, however there is something to be said for a team that remains in a city where they are not even the most important baseball or basketball team in that market, it’s like putting a moderately sized, heated swimming pool in your backyard and then Disney opens a massive water park right next door. While these teams are pretty entertaining, it’s their fans that are really interesting: the Chicago thugs and hooligans that root for the White Sox instead of the Cubs (it’s not a coincidence that the White Sox hat was a symbol for thuggery for people like Dr. Dre and Jodeci), the white trash Jet fans that are usually unemployed, drunk and wanted by the authorities for unpaid child support or other warrants, these fans have all the characteristics of Eagle fans (bad facial hair included) but have not figured out they should move 75 miles south for more opportunities in the packing, shipping and general warehousing industries, Clipper fans that think it’s acceptable to root for a team that has sucked for half a century and on any given night is probably the 1,500th most interesting thing happening in LA, and Met fans that are oblivious to the fact that even if they win 10 World Series in a row, the Yankee’s version of the “NY” logo will always be the symbol of the city. There is something to be said for unwavering devotion to teams like these...although I’m not sure what it is.

A Good Buffet: Buffet’s are everything that is good about restaurants (variety, expertly prepared food, ambiance) and nothing that is bad (waiting to be served and deciding what to order). Also, Buffet’s are often associated with resort cities like Vegas and AC, but I have been to amazing “All You Can Eat” extravaganzas in towns as diverse as Fuquay-Varina NC, Christiansburg VA, St. Petersburg FL and Lakewood NJ. If you want to find a good buffet you need to think outside of the chafing dish.

Drinking in the Woods: If you grew up in the suburbs you either associate drinking in the woods with the best times of your life or the “bad kids” you were afraid of. Either way, you cannot argue the greatness of combining a case of MGD with a heavily wooded area. For proof of this, just look to all the “adult” recreational activities we engage in that are all slight variations on drinking in the woods: Camping, Paintball, Hiking, White Water Rafting and Golf.

Over Rated

Sober Britney Spears: Upon hearing Britney’s new single “Womanizer” I immediately decided her music was infinitely better when she was out of her mind on drugs, walking around barefoot and having kids with K-Fed. The songs from that “Era of Britney” like “Toxic” (the very beginning of the bizarre behavior), “Gimme More” and “Break the Ice” are so much better than the new Britney with her life together. As a side note about a month ago some pictures came out of Britney in a bathing suit and the media declared she was “Back and Better than Ever!” While I applaud her efforts at physical fitness, there was no mention of whether she was singing, dancing or writing. So, basically she was in good shape to be a swimsuit model, but not really a singer or entertainer.

Bottle Service: Paying a grand for a $30 bottle of vodka and some cranberry juice is asinine…that’s all I have to say about this.

Touch Screen Phones: If you have been following this blog, you already know my opinions on ringtones (they are stupid) and other forms of useless technology (pretty much anything sold in Sky Mall). However, there is no excuse for the way adults are losing their minds over the new iPhone clones that have touch screen technology. Touch Screens are not new; they have been employed in “touch games” in dive bars for at least a decade and probably longer than that in the chain restaurant industry. When I see somebody take one of these phones out of their pockets I’m not sure if they are returning a text message, trying to point out minor differences between pictures of “Studs and Babes” or sending an order for a Blooming Onion back to the kitchen.

1 comment:

Daniel said...

I don't know how you left out the jabot from your neckwear rant...maybe you aren't quite the gentleman you claim to be.