Tuesday, September 16, 2008

More things that are Under or Over Rated


Robert Downy Jr.: Drug problems aside, RBJ (as I call him) is awesome.  He was in Back to School, which is maybe the funniest movie of the last 25 years and he was in two of the best three movies this summer (Iron Man and Tropic Thunder).  If he could have gotten a cameo in The Dark Knight he could have hit for the cycle.

Doctored Up Pictures: From Sarah Palin wearing an American Flag bikini and holding an M-16 to Fat Joe with an eye jammy sitting court side at the Garden, PhotoShop is by far the most entertaining program available to PC users.  Think about it, when was the last time an Excel spreadsheet or Quick Books Register made you laugh as hard as those pictures of The Game in a G-String?

The Flash (TV Series): The fact that the seventh season of Smallville is now available on DVD and this epic series was canceled after 22 episodes is proof that there is no justice in this world. 

90’s Fashion: The 80’s are clearly back with skinny jeans, Max Headroom/Kanye West glasses and Vans.  However, I am eagerly awaiting the return of 90’s fashions like Oakley Razor Blades, Skidz overalls, Raiders hats, Starter Jackets, Reebok Pumps, (Rat) Tails, Grunge Flannel, Tight Rolled Cuffs and Jodeci’s head-to-toe leather outfits.  With the new 90210 series, constant retro-releases of 90’s sneakers and Oakley putting Frogskins back out, this can’t be too far away and when it hits I will be ready! 


In-N-Out Burger: People would have you believe these burgers taste like lobster tails dipped in Moet, then covered in Godiva chocolate and drizzled with rare truffle oil.  In reality they taste like...burgers.  Also, if you are excited enough about a hamburger to buy a T-Shirt or souvenir of any kind at a fast food restaurant you are destined for a life of obesity and will probably be getting cut out of your house by Oprah within the next 10 years.

Football Every Night: There should not be football games on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.  The one thing that separates football from the other sports is that it happens once  a week and every game is important. Everybody knows how this works: High School on Friday, College on Saturday, NFL Sunday and two teams that suck on Monday Nights. Losing in September can cost an NFL team a playoff spot or a college team a bowl bid. That being said, there should not be games with BCS implications played on a Tuesday in mid-October.

Current Game Shows: I have not problem with the classics, watching a guy answer questions of ever increasing difficulty about medieval weaponry (What is the Catapult?) is pretty cool.  But watching people pick brief cases to be opened by moderately attractive models, run through obstacle courses or try to contort themselves into bizarre positions to fit through an oddly shaped hole in a wall that will push them into a swimming pool is just silly. 

Outlet Stores: Every single time I have walked into an outlet store (regardless of brand) I always have the same reaction: “This is ‘effin Awesome! There’s so much stuff in here I want I hope there is an ATM near by so I can get more cash. I’m gonna get at least 10 shirts, 5 pairs of pants and a vest, minimum!” (this sentiment is usually uttered internally, however in especially exciting outlets like Nike or The North Face I have been known to say it out loud).  Then I walk around and get steadily more disappointed as I look through rack after rack of XXXXL T-Shirts, slightly irregular (read: missing a waist band) jeans and shamrock green bubble goose jackets that are clearly here because they were unable to be sold in regular stores at MSRP.  Within 10 minutes I am angry with myself for believing the hype when I walked in and leave angry and empty handed so I can go to the next outlet store and repeat the exact same scenario. 

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