Sunday, November 9, 2008

Phrases I Hate 2

“I like _______, but it has to be good_________”

It doesn’t matter if you are talking about country music, strip clubs or thai food, somebody will drop this gem of infinite wisdom every time something polarizing is being discussed.  It is completely insane because NOBODY likes “Bad ________” whatever “__________” is.  Even though there may be varying degrees of “___________” the people that like that version of “____________”, don’t think it’s “bad __________.”  

Example: I really enjoy buffets, they are by far my favorite kind of meal.  However, I never say “Let’s go to a really bad buffet, the worst we can possibly find.  I’d like to eat at a buffet with only three entree choices and two of them contain salmonella poisoning.  Also, if the waitstaff could be rude, the rest rooms filthy and somebody could vomit on my table as they walk out, it would be great!” 

“Alternative Music”

Alternative to what?  If a band like Greenday or Coldplay is constantly on the radio, on iPod commercials and winning armfuls of Grammy Awards, what exactly are they the alternative to?  

I understand that in the 80’s “Hair Bands” ruled the charts and college/art rock bands like U2 and REM were an “alternative” to mainstream rock.  “Hair Metal” has been dead fro 20 years and these “alternative” bands have ruled the charts, airwaves and sales figures for two decades.  Referring to a band like Radiohead as “alternative” is a antiquated as calling their albums “LP’s” or the thing you listen to them on a “Hi-Fi.” 

“I just bought a new jacket and saved $50”

No, you didn’t.  You would have saved money by NOT buying the jacket.  You spent money by buying the jacket. End of story.

“__________(athlete) really brought legitimacy to that position”

By the very nature of American sport, if that position is deemed important enough to have a spot on a professional team and the ownership of the team pays the player real money to play that position, it is already legitimate.  

This phrase has been used ad nauseam about the New York Jets’ acquisition of Brett Farve.  Playing the most important position, in the most popular sport in the biggest city was already legit before Brett Farve got there, in fact it was legit before Joe Namath beat the Colts (and way before he kissed Suzy Kolber).  The only positions in sport that need “Legitimacy” is that of Shawn Kemp kids.  

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